MONTGOMERY, AL — AOC bravely called on northern progressives to “pull up to the South” this week while standing behind bulletproof glass, a security detail, and approximately 900 miles of cultural misunderstanding, sources have confirmed.
“It is time for New York to pull up to Alabama,” AOC declared, inspiring dozens of Brooklyn activists to immediately Google “does Alabama have oat milk” and “how hot is outside?”
Southern residents responded with polite confusion.
“Y’all can come if you want,” said one Alabama man while grilling meat visible from space.
“Just understand we start work before noon, say yes ma’am, own trucks on purpose, and don’t consider air conditioning a human rights violation.”
New Yorkers quickly clarified they do not claim AOC’s travel plans, noting that most of them are already busy trying to afford rent, dodge subway weirdos, and pretend Mamdani is just a fever dream they’ll wake up from after one decent bagel.
AOC reportedly encouraged her followers to bring “organizing energy,” which experts translated as blue hair, portable ring lights, and deeply emotional signs about redistricting they just learned about yesterday.
Upon arrival, activists were horrified to discover Southerners had churches, voter ID, sweet tea, and people who could change a tire without calling it mutual aid.
As of press time, AOC had upgraded to thicker bulletproof glass after realizing the South had been awakened, but mostly because someone offered her deer jerky.
Once upon a time there was a little southern girl from a family of modest means.
One day, a rich family from up north moved in next door.
They had a little girl too.
Everyday the rich northern girl would come over to the modest southern girls house
and tell her, I have a brand new dress and you don’t ! Or I have a brand new bicycle and you don’t ! Or, I have new roller skates and you don’t. It was more than the little southern girl could take…
So one day when the little rich girl came over to brag, the little southern girl simply declared ;
F_CK YOU !
The southern girls mother was appalled ! She rushed the southern little girl into the house and
scolded her for her profanity. The southern little girl retorted, “ But Mama, what am I supposed to say, she’s such a nasty, spoiled B_TCH !”
The little girls mama got very quite…
Then she said kindly to her daughter, “ Sweetheart, we are fine, kind , caring, God loving southern women.” We don’t say F_CK YOU to people.” “ When someone does you like that, you just THINK F_CK YOU…
“ But you say, “ BLESS YOUR HEART ! “
The above fable is set to match the context of this particular skrape.
In actual southern tradition and culture, “ Bless your LITTLE heart “ is also considered
proper vernacular as a euphemism for a well deserved F_CK YOU !