WASHINGTON — The Pentagon released another batch of UFO files this week, leaving officials “speechless” and Democrats terrified that federal investigators may have finally discovered where half their out-of-town voters are actually coming from, sources have confirmed.
Sen. Chuck Schumer immediately called for the files to be sealed, classified, buried, shredded, encrypted, and placed inside Hunter Biden’s laptop for safekeeping.
“This is clearly Trump’s fault,” Schumer declared while nervously glancing at the sky.
“These unidentified flying objects have only been circling Earth since the dinosaurs because Donald Trump created a climate of intergalactic division.”
Rep. Hakeem Jeffries agreed, insisting Democrats had “not seen the UFO files,” despite being spotted earlier asking whether the mother ship was mad about turnout in Pennsylvania.
Sources say the DNC became concerned after one Pentagon image showed a glowing saucer hovering over a swing district while unloading 600 mysterious beings carrying voter registration forms, tote bags, and “Tax The Rich” signs.
“We support all migrants,” said one strategist, “but technically we were hoping nobody noticed the ones arriving from low orbit.”
CNN quickly ran a panel titled Are UFOs Racist For Being Unidentified?
As of press time, Democrats were drafting a bill granting immediate mail-in voting rights to any life form capable of fogging a helmet visor.
