Local police remain powerless to stop Hunter Biden’s drug-fueled rampage as it enters its third day, sources have confirmed.
“This is terrible,” said Sheriff Walter Holton. “We have direct orders all the way from the executive branch of the government that absolutely no consequence or punishments are to befall President Biden’s son under any circumstances. So I guess we just keep letting him smoke crack, rob banks, and steal any car he wants, huh? Nice system we’ve got here, I gotta say. Exactly why I got into law enforcement.”
Despite officials remaining 100 feet away from the President’s problematic son at all times, as per the executive order issued last week, Biden still reprimanded some of the officers involved in the ongoing incident.
“Shame on those officers that tried to stop my son from breaking into that bank in the middle of the night,” said the president. “My son has been the unfair target of harassment and profiling for years now, all for being the son of someone’s political opponent. So my son wants to smoke crack and use the ATM at 3 in the morning. Since when is that against the law?”
As of press time, police’s latest strategy involves keeping a safe distance from the raging Hunter Biden and hoping he eventually tuckers himself out doing crimes.
