Bill Clinton brought Scripture to a Florida campaign event after advisers determined the Bible was the only book left that hadn’t demanded distance from his brand, sources have confirmed.
Supporting Democrat David Jolly, Clinton opened with “Let us pray,” prompting three donors to instinctively reach for their checkbooks.
“No, the other kind,” an aide whispered.
Clinton explained that he was tired of politicians picking fights, then introduced a sermon titled Everybody I Disagree With Is Ruining Everything.
The audience applauded, assuming this was dinner theater.
One woman asked when the comedian would arrive.
“He’s already speaking,” her husband replied.
Jolly nodded solemnly beside Clinton, wearing the expression of a man who’d ordered campaign assistance and received a complicated estate sale.
Clinton attempted a passage about temptation.
His teleprompter skipped ahead.
He tried forgiveness next. The machine requested hazard pay.
An usher distributed collection plates, which campaign staff immediately fitted with recurring donation options.
Asked which biblical promise would flip Florida blue, Clinton assured attendees that faith could move mountains.
A Republican in back suggested starting with the polling numbers.
Organizers dismissed him for bringing earthly concerns into a fundraising environment.
Clinton closed by promising a political resurrection.
As of press time, Jolly’s campaign had requested divine intervention, but Heaven’s automated response said Clinton had already used all their forgiveness minutes.
Slick Willie and slow Joe have something in common both are brain dead!
Coming to Florida and saying your tired of people saying negative things about Muslims just for being Muslims ! Wow ! Well Im tired of ignorant, pretentious , self serving politician ASSHOLES misrepresenting what hard working, tax paying, American citizens say and why they say it ! No one ever said anything bad about Mohamed Atta and his friends for being Muslim when they used to hang out at the restaurant on the Commercial Pier in Fort Lauderdale.I sure do have a lot of negative things to say about them now though ! Now that I know that besides being Muslim, they were also the America hating, jihadist, Islamists who hijacked our nations aircraft on 9/11 2001 and killed thousands of innocent Americans in the worst terrorist attack our nation has ever experienced ! Yes, I have plenty of negative things to say about them now, and for good reason !
I would caution ALL Americans not to be fooled, mislead, slandered, intimidated or censured by this, or any other self serving fool who try’s to conflate “Muslims” with “Islamists” under one self serving banner. Don’t let them get away with inferring that YOU aren’t smart enough to know the difference and also to infer that there’s something wrong and racist with you if you do !
Love your Muslim friends. But, I can tell you from personal experience, beware of the Islamists among them who our politicians let sneak into our country with no regard, where they can hurt you and yours ! Don’t make friends with them. Don’t breakfast with them. Don’t be fooled by them. And for God’s sake, DON’T VOTE FOR THEM !