SACRAMENTO, CA — California officials announced that the state’s high-speed rail project has reached a milestone after spending $15 billion without purchasing trains, laying track, or moving a passenger, sources have confirmed.
Gov. Gavin Newsom blamed President Trump for sabotaging the project by expecting California to meet grant deadlines, submit paperwork, and produce something resembling transportation.
“The federal government weaponized calendars,” Newsom said.
“This is an attack on innovation.”
State auditors introduced a game show, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles: Fact or Fiction, asking taxpayers to identify what their money purchased.
High-speed trains: Fiction.
Completed railway: Fiction.
Luxury SUVs for consultants: Fact.
Michelin-starred infrastructure lunches: Fact.
Seventeen diversity committees studying whether locomotives reinforce colonial movement patterns: Extremely fact.
Officials denied reports that millions went to campaign contributors named John Smith, explaining that 43 John Smiths were unrelated visionaries who coincidentally shared an accountant.
CBS conducted an investigation, releasing new findings after Newsom and friends asked for additional funds, noting that much of the spending “remains difficult to physically locate, measure, or explain without a second round of consulting fees.”
Newsom unveiled California’s five-step construction strategy:
Blame Trump, demand more money, hire consultants, complete nothing, then tax wealthy residents who have not escaped to Nevada.
The state now seeks another $20 billion to investigate why the previous $15 billion failed to transform into a train.
As of press time, California celebrated progress by purchasing an expensive golden shovel for the groundbreaking ceremony of its next groundbreaking ceremony.
The high speed rail will never be completed for two reasons ;
1) It is too lucrative a grift for Governor Newsom and the rest of the Democratically
controlled grifting California governance to give up.
2) If it is completed, high net worth California taxpayers will have a faster way of escaping the grift than having to rent a U-haul and drive !
No one had ever figured out how to finance the crucial southern connection of the high speed rail project into Los Angeles, over or through the mountains. What would have made sense would have been an express commuter rail line, similar to San Diego’s Coast Express Rail (COASTER) and Los Angeles’ Metrolink. These use conventional, proven equipment on conventional tracks. Such a system would have eased residential crowding and prices in the Bay Area by enabling Silicon Valley employees to live in smaller cities down toward Merced. In 1984 there was a proposal to build high-speed rail from Oceanside to downtown San Diego, with only one stop (maybe) at Solana Beach. Our neighborhood opposition group helped kill the project, while planting the germ of a concept for commuter rail, which became reality in 1995 (NCTD’s Coaster) and is still running and popular 31 years later.