WASHINGTON, D.C. — Longtime Democratic strategist James Carville threatened to quit the party after discovering its socialist wing had replaced the platform with a circus tent, sources have confirmed.
Carville arrived at headquarters expecting a strategy meeting but found Hasan Piker performing the Marxist High-Wire Act above a flaming pile of private property.
AOC fired tax dollars from a confetti cannon while Zohran Mamdani promised audience members free housing, groceries, transportation, and a pony trained to blame landlords.
Democratic leaders insisted everything was normal from inside a clown car labeled “BIG TENT.”
“I’ve worked with liberals, progressives, consultants, and people who say ‘Latinx’ without laughing,” Carville said. “But I’m not sharing a political party with a millionaire streamer explaining poverty from a luxury studio.”
Piker responded that capitalism had failed because his internet buffered during a livestream.
The DSA then attempted to nationalize the concession stand, abolish ticket prices, and charge wealthy attendees $9,000 for popcorn.
Carville packed his belongings into a circus wagon and announced he would disappear just like every promise made during a socialist campaign.
Party officials begged him to stay, warning that without Carville, nobody would remain who remembered Democrats once tried to win elections.
As of press time, Carville escaped through the emergency flap seconds before the DSA nationalized the exit and appointed the clown car chairman.
Th Th Th That’s all folks !
They have let in so many in their “big tent” that the party has gone nuts.
I really regret losing a loyal opposition party. Sadly I will never return to the party I loved.
Heaven help our country!