Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi shocked Democrats and Republicans alike when she made an impassioned plea to congress to ban Tic Tacs yesterday.
“For too long we’ve been endangering our children by letting them play with these choking hazards,” said Pelosi, while brandishing a pack of the popular breath mints. “I believe this is a Chinese plot to cut into our soldier population and strike in a few year’s time. That’s why it is urgent that we ban Tic Tacs now and forever, for the future of this country.”
“Plus, I almost choked on one of these myself just this morning,” she added.
Fellow members of Congress were alarmed at the target of Pelosi’s ire.
“I’m sorry, did she say Tic Tacs?” asked Jodey Cook Arrington, U.S. representative for Texas’s 19th congressional district. “I think a lot of us came here today because we thought she was joining us in being worried about the growing harm that TikTok is inflicting. But nope, she’s up there crying about mints. The sad part is I don’t know if she’s confused about things, or just really fired up about Tic Tacs.”
As of press time, Pelosi had also introduced motions to ban Tic Tac Toe and the Vine video platform.
