TRENTON, NJ — Democrats rushed to defend election integrity this week after reports found noncitizens on voter rolls in New Jersey, insisting the real threat to democracy remains anyone asking voters to show ID, sources have confirmed.
Party officials explained that while noncitizens accidentally registering, remaining on voter rolls for years, and occasionally voting may sound concerning, requiring identification would be “extreme,” “dangerous,” and “basically the end of brunch.”
“This is exactly why we oppose voter ID,” said one Democratic strategist while stuffing voter rolls into a shredder labeled Community Trust.
“If people had to prove who they are, we might find out who they are. That’s not who we are.”
The situation reportedly came to light after several noncitizens pursuing naturalization asked to be removed from the rolls, shocking officials who had no idea people could remove themselves from democracy voluntarily.
RNC officials called the discovery alarming, while New Jersey Democrats clarified the registrations were not illegal voters, but “pre-citizens enjoying an early access beta version of democracy.”
Progressive activists immediately blamed Republicans for noticing.
“Why are conservatives obsessed with election security?” asked one activist.
“Just because people who shouldn’t be voting keep appearing on voter rolls doesn’t mean we should make voting harder for people who shouldn’t be voting.”
As of press time, Democrats had proposed a compromise: voter ID will remain banned, but every ballot will include a checkbox reading, “I am probably supposed to be doing this.”
The whole election system has morphed into a sham. There may not be as much fraud as Trump claims, but why do we need mail voting? For years, informed and dedicated voters went to the polls on Election Day and we knew the results the day after the majority of the time. Now. we have lazy voters with all kinds of excuses as to why they can’t show up on Election Day so they vote by mail (or en masse in “Souls to the Polls” in a church social hall influenced by their Pastor.) Then the result is a California mess where results take weeks to determine, and opens the door for election fraud arguments. If you’re too busy or too disinterested to make the effort to vote on Election Day at a convenient polling station, then don’t vote and the country will probably be better off if you stay home.
I think California should lose all federal funding if you can’t have integrity in the elections, and you want to cheat, you get no say in the federal government..you get no federal money. Either that or we arrest them all, and start over, or civil war. Only two way will stop them war or jail.
You have to show an ID fo purchase cigarettes, alcohol and sometimes Lottery tickets. Why wouldn’t you show an ID to vote ?