PORTLAND, ME — Democratic strategists were reportedly seen sprinting toward the lifeboats this week after Graham Platner’s scandal-plagued rise triggered what party insiders are calling “trouble in the deep blue sea,” sources have confirmed.
Platner’s campaign has become a stress test for Democrats’ self-appointed role as champions of women, accountability, decency, democracy, lunch, weather, and whatever moral position happens to be useful before noon.
“This is dangerous,” said one Democratic strategist while bailing water out of a sinking boat labeled Credibility.
“We spent years telling voters we were the party of standards. Then one of our guys became inconvenient, and suddenly standards started identifying as optional.”
Party officials reportedly debated pulling the plug on Platner, but became confused after realizing the plug was connected to their own hypocrisy machine, which powers nearly every press conference.
“This is not a scandal,” said one progressive aide.
“This is an evolving narrative ecosystem. Yesterday we believed women. Today we believe context. Tomorrow depends on polling.”
Several Democrats privately admitted the party has developed a dangerous habit of changing its principles faster than AOC changes facial expressions during a committee hearing.
Republicans watched from shore as Democrats circled the wagons, hit an iceberg, blamed Trump, and demanded taxpayer funding for a new wagon.
As of press time, the DNC had clarified that character still matters deeply, unless enforcing that rule would cost them a Senate seat.
The Democrats moral high ground sank along time ago…
Planter shows they’re now on the bottom !
Despite all the national moral outrage, at the end of the day it all comes down to Maine’s voters. One Maine voter even said when interviewed, “It’s choosing the lesser of two evils.” People in Maine consider Senator Collins to be an extension of Donald Trump, although she routinely bucks the GOP trend. Despite all his scandals, they might consider Plattner to be the lesser of two evils compared to Trump.It’s strange, historically New Englanders had a reputation as being common sense, independent people; yet they’ve moved towards electing a bunch of progressive, government dependency loons, like Sanders, Warren, Markey, and now possibly Plattner.
Once we had a choice between two reasonable philosophical stands. Now we’re limited to one reasonable and the other outrageous. I miss the good old days…..
They have ZERO moral high ground anyway. I cannot believe that ANYONE would vote for this guy. He is VERY DEFINITELY not the “common man” he paints himself to be. I cannot believe this guy served in the Marines.
We have no leadership in Washington
One more sign that the party has become more important than the people