WASHINGTON, D.C. — Election-season doctors reportedly identified a severe outbreak of Political Memory Loss this week after candidates who once defended expensive energy policies suddenly began pointing at gas pumps and demanding to know who did this, sources have confirmed.
Symptoms were immediate.
(Candidate): “Gas is outrageous!”
(Reporter): “Didn’t you support policies that could raise energy costs?”
“That was Policy Me.”
“Who are you now?”
“November Me.”
Campaign headquarters quickly unveiled the new affordability plan:
STEP 1: Complain about prices.
STEP 2: Promise to fix prices.
STEP 3: Make everything more expensive while explaining that cheaper prices would be irresponsible.
One voter asked how that worked.
A consultant smiled.
“Because what we want is what you want.”
“What if I don’t want that?”
“Then you’ve misunderstood your own needs.”
Groceries received similar treatment.
Milk too expensive?
Government solution: committee.
Gas too expensive?
Task force.
Electricity too expensive?
Rebrand it as a “transition investment.”
By lunchtime, Americans were informed that paying more was painful, necessary, unfair, compassionate, temporary, permanent, and somehow their idea.
As of press time, Democrats had promised to lower your bills immediately after explaining why lowering them would be dangerous.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the politicians we supposedly ‘elect’ were to actually do what the People want? Politics have become so convoluted. I really miss the ’80s. And not just because of the shoulder pads!
Why do people say this site is satire?
Well said. Enjoy every satirical accurate NEWS story.
America’s current election landscape:
Hypocritical, power hungry Democrats
Lying, incompetent Republicans
Ignorant, gullible voters
The Representative in my district is the longest serving in Congress, and has been responsible for 2 bills in over 40 years, and she’s running on affordability, especially drug costs.Its ridiculous that people even fall for this, all you have to do is check her voting record and see she’s done the complete opposite her entire career!I think a law should be passed, so all campaign ads have to be truthful!
I agree, I am tried of the lies and smear campaigns. Tell us what you aim to solve and stick to it. I am sick of hearing how they need to stop trump. No they need to solve real life issues like water, food sources, poisons being allowed in our foods. Education… and so much more. It does not matter what party it is they need to help the people not their agendas.
Trust nobody. Instead, be logical, practical and scientific… and get the facts.