WASHINGTON, D.C. — Election-season doctors reportedly identified a severe outbreak of Political Memory Loss this week after candidates who once defended expensive energy policies suddenly began pointing at gas pumps and demanding to know who did this, sources have confirmed.
Symptoms were immediate.
(Candidate): “Gas is outrageous!”
(Reporter): “Didn’t you support policies that could raise energy costs?”
“That was Policy Me.”
“Who are you now?”
“November Me.”
Campaign headquarters quickly unveiled the new affordability plan:
STEP 1: Complain about prices.
STEP 2: Promise to fix prices.
STEP 3: Make everything more expensive while explaining that cheaper prices would be irresponsible.
One voter asked how that worked.
A consultant smiled.
“Because what we want is what you want.”
“What if I don’t want that?”
“Then you’ve misunderstood your own needs.”
Groceries received similar treatment.
Milk too expensive?
Government solution: committee.
Gas too expensive?
Task force.
Electricity too expensive?
Rebrand it as a “transition investment.”
By lunchtime, Americans were informed that paying more was painful, necessary, unfair, compassionate, temporary, permanent, and somehow their idea.
As of press time, Democrats had promised to lower your bills immediately after explaining why lowering them would be dangerous.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the politicians we supposedly ‘elect’ were to actually do what the People want? Politics have become so convoluted. I really miss the ’80s. And not just because of the shoulder pads!