WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Senate reportedly experienced the greatest miracle in government history Wednesday when the adjournment bell rang seconds before lawmakers were forced to finish several uncomfortable conversations about elections, spending, and whether Congress should occasionally complete assignments, sources have confirmed.
“Saved by the bell!” shouted one senator, already halfway into his campaign bus.Staffers immediately abandoned binders marked IMPORTANT BEFORE NOVEMBER and replaced them with yard signs.
One aide asked about unfinished election legislation.
“November.”
“The election is in November.
”“Exactly.”
Another senator suggested staying an extra week.Capitol Police were called.
The chamber’s fictional substitute teacher then wheeled in a television and announced Congress could watch a documentary until dismissal.
Lawmakers cheered.Election integrity?Later.Government spending?Later.Stock-trading rules?
Definitely later.
Free ice cream in the cafeteria?
Passed unanimously.
One confused taxpayer asked whether senators were allowed to leave work for a month when the work was unfinished.
Three constitutional scholars examined the question before admitting Congress wrote the rules.
By lunchtime, Washington had perfected its newest legislative strategy:Avoid decision. Campaign on decision.
Return after decision matters less.
As of press time, the Senate had scheduled a November meeting to determine which unfinished September problems should be postponed until 2040.
sence when has the senate finished anything concerning law making the last 30 years. they have’nt passed a budget or brought the econame in budget
Wow, that is the absolute TRUTH!!!!
Actually how can anyone tell if this motley collection of 100 do nothing losers is in session or on break anyway?
Congress has way too much power over itself, it’s time to take that back and give it to the people they’re supposed to serve!
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, AND HOW DO WE DO THAT? WHEN THEY VOTE THEMSELVES ALL THESE VACATIONS AND TIME OFF? THEY HAVE MADE A CAREER OUT OF SOMETHING THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR THE PEOPLE, BEING PAID TOO MUCH!!!!!!! INSIDER TRADING!!!!!!!!
Their paychecks and expenses should be postponed until the work is up to date. The reimbursement should be discussed when they come back.
A job, where you are not required to actually do anything. Where you get to vote yourself a raise. Where you make your bosses, “We the People”, subservient to you. You force your bosses to purchase items. You write laws so you cannot be arrested for what are felonies in the rest of the country.
Where you already have 50% of the year off.
You get paid full wages to go out and try to convince your bosses you should stay on the payroll.