WASHINGTON: Former CIA director John Brennan attempted to escape scrutiny by filing a motion demanding an investigation into why investigators were investigating his efforts to prevent investigation, sources have confirmed.
The filing arrived in seventeen boxes, sixteen containing arrows pointing toward President Trump.
The remaining box contained a smoke bomb and instructions reading, “If asked a direct question, pull pin.”
A Biden-appointed judge rejected the argument after stating “but Trump” is not an established legal doctrine.
Attorneys immediately requested a commission to determine who had radicalized the judge with reading comprehension.
“My client welcomes transparency,” explained counsel, drawing the courtroom blinds.
Asked about the Russia inquiry and Steele dossier allegations, the former intelligence chief produced a nesting doll.
Inside was another investigation.
Inside that was a subpoena for someone else.
Inside that was Hillary Clinton’s attorney requesting lunch.
Investigators tried a simpler approach: one question, requiring either yes or no.
The legal team requested six months, three immunity agreements, and a documentary deal.
Meanwhile, Democratic allies announced an emergency hearing into whether answering questions could threaten democracy.
Their first witness was a printer that had overheated producing motions to delay testimony.
As of press time, the former director had accused investigators of obstructing his obstruction investigation and demanded they investigate themselves until he remembered nothing in a more comfortable setting.
