Senator John Kennedy has claimed that Senate Leader Chuck Schumer has been “stuck in a government-shutting trance of wokeness since 2021,” sources have confirmed.
According to Kennedy, Schumer slipped into the trance after accidentally attending a mindfulness retreat sponsored by TikTok influencers and the Democratic National Committee.
“Chuck hasn’t been right since he tried to pass a bill granting voting rights to emotional support animals,” Kennedy said.
“At this point, I’m not sure if he even knows the government’s closed or if he just thinks he’s on a self-care break.”
Capitol insiders say Schumer now communicates exclusively through gender-neutral interpretive dance and refuses to speak unless addressed with the pronoun “Your Inclusiveness.”
His staff allegedly holds daily séances in an effort to contact his “other side”.
Kennedy warned that the shutdown will continue “until someone waves a copy of the Constitution in front of him and yells ‘boo!’” before adding that Schumer’s “relationship with reality is shakier than Kamala’s laugh at a gas-price hearing.”
As of press time, Schumer was reportedly seen meditating under a AOC Poster, awaiting instructions from an imaginary committee on feelings.
WAY too funny!
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If I were a member of his staff, I would leave and not come back. He definitely needs some mental help.
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Bye bye to his staff!
Lock him up in a rubber room with AOC and Pilosi then throw away the key.
Never find that key! Burn it!