WASHINGTON — Democrats launched an emergency national meltdown this week after President Trump, exhausted from lawsuits, investigations, fake scandals, foreign wars, America’s 250th anniversary planning, and being blamed for every expensive grocery cart in the country, responded to a question about inflation by saying, “I love it,” sources have confirmed.
The left immediately sprinted to the nearest camera like ambulance-chasing lawyers who smelled a fresh subpoena.
“Did you hear what he said?” shouted one MSNBC analyst while hyperventilating into a reusable tote bag.
“He loves inflation. He loves high prices. He probably personally sneaks into grocery stores at night and raises egg prices with a gold-plated Sharpie.”
White House aides clarified Trump was being sarcastic after years of watching Democrats sue him for breathing, blinking, negotiating peace, holding rallies, eating steak, lowering taxes, shaking hands too firmly, and attempting to celebrate America without first getting approval from Rachel Maddow’s emotional support panel.
But Democrats refused to accept the explanation, citing their long-standing policy that Trump is always literal when it hurts him and always dangerous when it doesn’t.
Legal activists immediately filed lawsuits accusing Trump of emotional inflation, reckless sarcasm, grocery cruelty, economic tone violence, and failure to answer hostile media questions while looking sad enough for CNN.
Republicans pointed out that Trump has spent years trying to clean up problems created by the same people now chasing him around with lawsuits, microphones, and professionally printed outrage.
Sources say the president has grown tired of trying to fix the country while the left follows him like an immortal fruit fly with a law degree, a podcast, and a restraining order against common sense.
As of press time, Democrats had filed another lawsuit after Trump said “good morning,” claiming he was excluding Americans who identify as victims of afternoon-based oppression.
God save America and thank God for Donald J Trump.