AUSTIN, TX — Progressive activists were thrown into emergency class-war confusion this week after learning the SpaceX IPO could make Elon Musk the world’s first trillionaire while also making thousands of everyday employees millionaires, sources have confirmed.
The news reportedly devastated the left, which had already printed 80,000 protest signs reading Tax The Trillionaire Space Goblin before discovering welders, engineers, cafeteria workers, mechanics, janitors, and regular people who took a chance on the company had accidentally ruined the entire class-war script by winning too.
“This is extremely problematic,” said one activist while quietly lowering a bullhorn.
“We support workers, obviously. We just didn’t expect them to become successful enough to stop needing us.”
Democratic strategists immediately formed a committee to determine how to condemn capitalism while standing next to newly rich cafeteria workers, welders, mechanics, and janitors who could now afford lake houses, Teslas, and possibly better security than the activists yelling at them.
“They’re not millionaires,” explained one MSNBC analyst.
“They’re temporarily oppressed workers experiencing a liquidity event against their own interests.”
Organizers briefly considered moving forward with the protest until they discovered the guy printing the Eat The Rich signs had paid off his house with SpaceX shares, the bus driver owned stock, and the food truck guy outside the rally was now taking reservations for his second beach house.
Meanwhile, SpaceX employees celebrated by remembering the old American formula: believe, build, risk, work, win.
As of press time, progressives had postponed their protest against wealth creation after realizing half the people they planned to “liberate” were too busy checking their portfolios.
The key sentence in this article was they found out these workers didn’t need them, The Democrats!!!
It seems these protesters are being lead by socialist and missed out on the public offering themselves. Maybe they should have studied a bit more about how capitalism works vs how socialism pulls folks down.
Norman,
You are spot on !
In my generation, if any individual in their twenty’s or thirty’s had bought just $500 worth of any number of equities available, they would have been well on their way to being very comfortably retired now !
McDonalds, Home Depot, Costco , Apple, Google, Facebook, Tesla, just to name a few.
If young people would spend a little less time looking up to AOC and Mamdani to role model
their own socialism and a little more time plying them for the list of equities that Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and Nancy Pelosi suggested they put in their portfolios, they would be a lot happier with their future prospects of achieving the American dream !
You’re so right. Even small amounts can make you richer. My dad, a WWII Vet, started saving $5 a week—a lot for him. He increased as his accountant salary went up and bought stock he could afford. He never made over $35,000 but was worth over a million before his death. Grandkids are now investing. They’re already seeing the benefit, learning how the market works, and understanding the advantages of capitalism vs communism. My dad always said, “Money can make money if you know how to use it.”
Lin,
Go Grandpa !
I’m very happy that the grandkids have some “seed money” and are already learning financial responsibility !
It’s very important for young people to learn how money really works and not be
fooled buy rich Socialists who teach them to demonize it for their own economic advantage !
Why hate people for their successes?
Capitalism isn’t perfect but it has created more millionaires than any other ism.