Local members of organized crime syndicates are reportedly worried about the repercussions after a dead man has won an election in New Jersey, sources have confirmed.
“Hm, what does this mean, exactly?” asked Vinnie “Big Fish” Barboni, local construction foreman and reported mob underboss. “Can people that have been dead for, let’s say, five or ten years suddenly start running for office? Are we going to start looking at all of these old cold cases and freaking out about how many of them are unsolved? I think we ought to keep elections fair and square and only feature alive people. But what do I know? I’m just a local construction manager!”
Despite the pleas of the state’s honest workers like Barboni, Democrats insisted things weren’t so easy.
“We understand the troubling precedent it sets to have a dead man win a local election,” said Democratic New Jersey Governor Bob Menendez. “But you have to believe us when we say this wasn’t part of some greater plan of ours. What I think happened is by not making any speeches in the last few months, he actually became the most popular Democrat. Isn’t that funny? Anyway, yeah, we’ll get someone who’s alive in there just as soon as we sort this mess out.”
As of press time, New Jersey lawmakers clarified that while they will try to clean up the whole dead-people-running-for-office thing, dead people will still be perfectly able to vote in elections.
Can anyone say to GOV. Mendez ” BS and nonsense!” ? Give people some credit to having some common sense. They are not so complacent anymore. Your party is now showing desperation.