LAWRENCE, MA — Confusion spread across Massachusetts after Lawrence Mayor Brian DePeña was arrested on fraud charges and his attorney told reporters the mayor does not speak English, prompting residents to question whether understanding city government had become optional, sources confirmed.
Within hours, protesters flooded downtown carrying FREE DEPEÑA signs that witnesses noted the mayor likely could not read, though supporters insisted he would “totally get the vibe.”
Progressive officials quickly condemned the controversy as a hate crime against politicians being asked questions, particularly follow-up questions.
“Fraud allegations are complicated,” one activist shouted.
“Pronunciation is the real emergency,” they added, appearing uncertain what they were protesting but committed nonetheless.
City Hall then unveiled a new governing philosophy: No Comprendo, No Problema.
Under the system, pothole complaints, tax notices, budget deficits, and angry constituent emails would simply cease to exist if nobody in charge could understand them, which officials described as “streamlining.”
Officials reportedly began drafting legislation to change Lawrence’s official language, but the meeting was postponed after no one could explain the proposal to the person responsible for approving it, who was also present.
One consultant suggested replacing all government documents with emojis, citing “improved civic engagement through confusion.”
Another proposed interpretive dance, which was briefly tabled after it became unclear whether it was a policy proposal or a performance art piece.
Reporters continued shouting questions.
DePeña smiled.
“Ironically, he is as fluent in speaking, reading, and writing English as most American high schoolers,” said one local reporter, prompting immediate debate over whether the remark was a defense, an insult, or a curriculum review.
As of press time, Lawrence had hired seventeen translators to determine whether City Hall was open, closed, or simply experiencing a conceptual disagreement with reality.
How in the hell did our country stoop so low as to have someone in office who supposedly can not speak English.
I think this is nothing more than an attempt to try and get out of trouble. Our country is going down the drain and everyone has their hands in their pockets allowing it to happen.
In Massachusetts the only qualification needed for getting elected to public office, is having a “D” party affiliation. It also helps if your last name is Kennedy.
You’re totally correct. I’m a fourth generation Bostonian and left MA 3 yrs ago because of all the corruption and Democrat gerrymandering. So Dems could win, our more conservative County was broken up and added to D strongholds and our larger Town split in two separate voting districts. The taxpayers will be covering the cost of the trial and also the interpreter per lawyers request. Let’s not forget it’s a sanctuary state. What do residents expect from a state with a Gov, who along with other women Reps, were smiling as she signed a law allowing abortions up to the time of birth. Sick people running that state.
Being illiterate in, and unable to speak English, how did he complete, sign, and file the required elections paperwork???
How did he campaign?
Weren’t electors concerned the mayoral candidate had zero command of English???
And the plot sickens.
Utterly disgusting.
This is DISGUSTING !!!! This CLOWN should be BOOTED out of the city. Vote for a person who speaks ENGLISH, Has a “R” after their name and who is HONEST, INTELLIGENT and can work with their citizens.
Booted out of America we need to get all these illegals, islamist, muslims, socialists, communists, , their citizenship revoked permanently, deported immediately, all property, and assets confiscated, that includes Congressmen, senators, judges, lawyers, None of these should ever be allowed in our country, government, public office, institutions, none and must be a 3rd. Generation American citizen to even try to run for any position state and federal office
Lucy,
Your position sounds sort of radical, paranoid, racist, xenophobic, borderline unconstitutional and probably absolutely correct if we are going to have even a snowballs chance in hell of saving our constitutional republic, and the freest, most prosperous society the world has ever seen !
This political environment is becoming an existential crisis for our nation. Illegal immigration, socialism, abolishing safeguards against criminals who don’t deserve to walk free, are all evidence of an abhorrent mindset favored by “woke” academics, politicians, media, and cultural influencers who need to be opposed by responsible, intelligent citizens.
Wake up America, or you’ll soon be, to borrow a line from Emma Lazarus, “yearning to be free”.