WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s private sector reportedly added 90,000 jobs in September, immediately confusing thousands of grown adults who had been reliably informed that employment no longer exists, sources have confirmed.
Economists celebrated.
Parents sighed.
Basements remained occupied.
Across the country, retirees reportedly returned to work after discovering their 39-year-old children still required assistance with rent, DoorDash, gaming subscriptions, and something called “protecting their energy.”
(Dad): “There are jobs.”
(Son): “Not ones aligned with my journey.”
“What’s your journey?”
“Still figuring that out.”
Dad clocked in.
Again.
One mother accepted a weekend shift after her adult daughter explained that capitalism was oppressive moments before asking to borrow $600.
“For groceries?”
“Concert tickets.”
Naturally.
Employers say positions remain available in healthcare, hospitality, construction, manufacturing, logistics, and other deeply problematic fields involving alarm clocks.
Meanwhile, activists demanded better opportunities.
One recruiter offered them applications.
“That feels aggressive.”
The applications were removed.
By afternoon, several older Americans were working overtime to support adult children waiting for the economy to recognize their true value.
As of press time, one 42-year-old remained in his mother’s basement patiently awaiting a six-figure management position requiring no experience, commuting, math, mornings, or management.
If your kid (supposed adult) is 25 or older and is still living at home you are the problem. You neglected to teach them the fundamentals to enter the real world. If you don’t push them out now, you’re doing them more harm than good, and when you pass, they’ll be as helpless as they are today. They will be blaming the situation you’ve left them in, by coddling them for the past 40-50 years of their life, all on you, and you can mark my words on that.
Amen
I’m a grown adult, 56 years old to be exact, and I lost my job of 25 years when a larger company bought out the company I’d worked at for so long… and I got laid off 7 months ago and I am having such a difficult time trying to find a new job, and not for lack of trying, and perhaps this was meant to be satire, but the reality out there is that Human Resources departments are using AI to filter their resumes so that many of the jobs i’m submitting my resume to are probably not even being seen by a human, I’m just getting rejected by A.I. Then the few interviews I am getting, I’m not getting hired, likely because they realize how old I am. So the young 20’s somethings probably have an easier time finding a job than I do, sadly. And let me just say, this sucks big time.
My wife has the same problem. She’s looking all across the country and has several “interested”. Then she sends in the resume that clearly shows her to be in her 40s and they lose interest.
Our son is in college and they are teaching him how to deal with the AI systems that are doing the actual hiring.
People have encountered that problem for several decades. It’s not just AI. It’s a lot of people applying for jobs and a lot of people applying for positions that they don’t fit. As a former hiring manager, there were too many resumes that didn’t match my need. The best way is to have a friend recommend you or be persistent in showing up repeatedly at a place to check on opening status to show that you are very interested and committed.
When I was looking for a job moons ago I got a phone call for an interview I went in and it went well, they said we’ll be calling selected candidates soon and then they made their first mistake by giving me one of the manager’s contact information she probably thought did I make a mistake! I called her often but it ended up working out well, being hungry and persistent were the key to successfully receiving and accepting the job offer!
Guessing I got lucky. I started as industrial maintenance. Then moved into automation.
It all worked out well.
Had headhunters from our USA, and some other countries offering me positions.
Became disabled, and had to stop working.
I am still being offered positions.
I design machines, programs, for myself now.
Maybe learn automation? Colleges and trade schools teach hydraulics, machine design, mathematics, logic, sequence for a low price, just your time.
But yet they say, “we’re looking for someone with experience”!
This reminds me, I’ve gotta stream STEP BROTHERS for the umpteenth time Thanks!!
This reminds me, I’m gonna stream STEP BROTHERS…..AGAIN. THANKS!!!
gotta agree.
Our eldest son, 14 years old, when we went out to the driveway with a beer. He had a soda, I had a coffee.
We talked of the future, what his prospects are, what classes and books was he using to make his odds better.
He told me he was planning to have a desk job.
Cool.
Do you want a window desk? Maybe in a corner, upper floor, two windows?
Sure dad, that is what I am hoping for.
6 figures?
Yep.
What skills do you have, so you will get that job?
Uh, none.
He buckled down, learned some skills.
Makes over a $million a year, wife, daughter, mortgage, rental properties all doing well.
I asked him if he was okay with taking care of old dad. Getting on in years, disabled, falling apart, too many hard years. After all, I did care for you for your first 18 years.
Go fly a kite dad.
by the by, if I needed him, he would be there.
D**N you, I didn’t come here to cry!
Remember in the good old days when the “D” in DEI ment that work group “diversity”
reflected the makeup of those who were willing to come to work and do their job ?
Remember when the “E” for “equity” ment those who were willing to work hard could earn more than those who were not willing ?
Remember when the “l” for “inclusion” ment that if you showed up and did a good job, your job remain securely yours ?
Now it seems like “DEI” is a corporate ruse to filter older, experienced workers out of the workforce to avoid paying them their retirement benifits and replacing them with younger, inexperienced cheap labor ?