NEW YORK — The ladies of The View reached a bold new level of moral clarity this week after actress Sophia Bush reportedly declared she would “punch you in the mouth,” prompting left-wing activists to immediately explain that political violence is only dangerous when said by someone who owns a flag, sources have confirmed.
Bush’s comment was quickly praised as “brave,” “empowering,” and “technically peaceful because her intentions were intersectional.”
“This is not a threat,” explained one Hollywood ethics consultant.
“This is trauma-informed face accountability. Very different.”
Progressives then reminded Americans that when the right says terrifying phrases like “common sense,” “personal responsibility,” or “maybe don’t burn down a city,” democracy itself is placed in immediate danger.
But when a woke celebrity threatens to rearrange someone’s dental structure on daytime television, it is simply “speaking truth to power with knuckles.”
ABC reportedly defended the moment, noting that The View has always been a safe space for nuanced political discussion, provided that nuance is screamed over four people while someone in oversized glasses nods like the Constitution just got fact-checked.
Meanwhile, conservatives were warned not to overreact, since pointing out hypocrisy is now considered escalation.
As of press time, Democrats had clarified that violence is unacceptable in all forms unless performed by the correct celebrity, during the correct segment, while blaming Trump within 90 seconds.
