After months of campaigning to get the right people into the Senate, Chuck Schumer discovered Tuesday that several of them knew how to operate a forklift, sources have confirmed.
The Machinists union initially sent Schumer a letter asking him to step aside.
Schumer reportedly read it as an invitation to lead a task force on stepping aside and announced he would chair it indefinitely.
At that point, the union sent a second letter. It was taped to a forklift already idling outside his office, wearing a visitor badge.
“Move, Chuck. Get out the way,” the operator said, checking his mirrors.
Schumer gripped the armrests and reminded the crew that he’d spent months telling voters he was fighting for their jobs.
A machinist measured the chair, nodded, and told him they’d already clocked in.
The senator continued giving a speech about the dignity of labor while labor reversed him through a set of double doors. He paused only when the backup alarm started getting more applause than he was.
A Republican offered to hold the door.
Schumer asked if that counted as bipartisan support.
The Republican said he could hold it wider.
As of press time, Senate Democrats had offered the forklift the leadership job after watching it move a stack of stalled bills across the room in under a minute.
