Bluesky: “Laws Are for Republicans, Not Us”

Bluesky Rejects Mississippi’s Age Verification Law, Demands Kids Prove Adulthood by Posting Haikus About teenage Anxiety, sources have confirmed.

In what experts are calling the biggest tantrum since Starbucks ran out of water cups, social media platform Bluesky has refused to follow Mississippi’s new age verification law, insisting it’s “unfair” to make them follow rules like everyone else.

Instead, executives proposed a “Feelings-Based Access System” where minors bypass ID checks by submitting slam poetry about capitalism or selfies while crying over work schedules.

“IDs are outdated, colonialist, and probably racist,” said Dr. Nimbus Featherworth, a psychiatrist who identifies as a recycled compost bin.

“If a 12-year-old feels emotionally 37, who are we to silence their woke activism?

This is how we grow the next generation of woke influencers who bravely lecture EVERYONE about what they’re owed, what they want.”

Company insiders confirmed Bluesky’s alternative plans include declaring age based on zodiac signs, notarized letters from emotional support Teddy bears, or simply checking a box that says, “I pinky promise I’m old enough.”

Critics noted every other platform has managed to comply.

Bluesky, however, claimed laws are only meant for conservatives.

As of press time, the company announced it would relocate all servers to a safe space treehouse powered entirely by interpretive dance.