BREAKING: Socialist Candidate Declares Billionaires Evil While Installing Gold-Plated Jacuzzi Shaped Like Karl Marx’s Beard, funded by someone richer than Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, sources have confirmed.
New York mayoral hopeful Zohran Mamdani, champion of the “billionaires shouldn’t exist” movement, was reportedly spotted cannonballing into the luxury tub—allegedly financed by hedge-fund heiress Elizabeth Simons, who apparently makes Mr. Burns look like he’s clipping coupons at Dollar Tree.
Campaign staff insists the jacuzzi is a “grassroots hydration initiative,” though the bubbles reportedly spell out Eat the Rich in champagne foam.
Witnesses say that while railing against capitalism, Mamdani paused mid-speech to sip Dom Pérignon from a diamond-encrusted sippy cup hand-delivered by George Soros, who was riding a unicorn wearing an “Equity For All” saddle.
In a bizarre twist, Mamdani’s new policy proposal bans billionaires—unless they’re providing direct Venmo transfers to his campaign.
“We’re not taking their money,” Mamdani explained, “we’re redistributing it to the movement—my movement.”
Critics argue the hypocrisy is staggering, but Mamdani’s supporters claim the donations are an act of “reparations for socialism.”
One aide even hinted at future billionaire-funded luxuries: a private jet that runs exclusively on virtue-signaling, and campaign offices powered by the tears of hardworking taxpayers.
As of press time, Mamdani was reportedly pricing out a people’s guillotine with leather seats, Wi-Fi, cupholders, and a butler named Smithers.
He is playing to the same gullible people that want everything given to them These are the hate filled people that believe all whites are rich.
They are blind as bats to that .,And blind and deaf to his real intentions . This man who lives like a king . While they keep being led like sheep to their total demise.
I hope they see through this Muslim playing Hitler ! Whose real goal is intifada. Which means death to all infidels called Americans . No Muslim should be sitting in any position over Americans Especially one that just comes here to destroy
I hope that God intervenes and gives New Yorkers a real honest American that isreally for their best interests instead of their own At this point It appears those who are pulling the strings give them no better options. Cuomo what a jerk. Adams really ? Surly there has to be a Republican running who the media’s are not talking about
vote Curtis for Mayor. He’s the Republican. However the press is giving him very little coverage
He “Dumb” can people be? This candidate like many now in Congress come to The USA because our Nation, Our Freedoms, and Our way of life and then want to change us to Socialism and Communism which never works and only destroys. If you people want this change from what the USA is please go to the countries that already have this Socialism and Communism but don’t try to change The USA! We want the way of life our fathers established here. “ One Nation under God Indivisible with Liberty and Justice for all.”