Shortly after a preseason game that saw him take several blows directly to the head, concussed Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes shocked the world by endorsing 2016 republican candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush in this fall’s election.
“I think Jeb Bush is the perfect guy for the job,” said Mahomes, when asked about his performance in the first quarter of the game against the Detroit Lions. “I’ve been hearing this odd whistling sound ever since Adrian Hutchinson tore my head off on the first drive. Somewhere around halftime, the whistling evolved into a voice that was telling me to vote for Jeb Bush and to spread the word about voting for Jeb Bush. Coach took me out of the game after I told him about that. Then he told me not to mention it to any reporters. Oops!”
Mahomes’ comments concerned many Kansas City Chiefs fans.
“This is why you don’t play your starters in the preseason,” said Chiefs season ticketholder Martin Bradley. “They could take some awful hit and start thinking they were stuck in the election cycle from eight years ago. If this guy still thinks Jeb Bush is a viable candidate in the year 2024, will he be able to read defenses and get it done with a lackluster receiving core? God, I sure hope so.”
As of press time, the concussed Mahomes promised to bring the Stanley Cup back to Kansas City this season.
In those famous words: “I ain’t got no Dain Bramage.”