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CNN Turns Kabul Escape into Million-Dollar Deal

Joe King by Joe King
January 19, 2025
in U.S. News
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CNN has reportedly shelled out $5 million to Navy veteran Zachary Young for his heroic efforts in helping people flee Afghanistan, sources have confirmed.

The payment, which CNN describes as a “token of gratitude” rather than hush money, comes after Young’s daring exploits provided the network with more thrilling content than its usual prime-time lineup.



Young, who orchestrated a series of dramatic rescues during the chaotic withdrawal from Kabul, unwittingly became a prime-time star as CNN cameras rolled. “We haven’t seen ratings like this since the last hurricane,” a CNN executive was overheard saying at a company mixer. “Who needs storm chasers when you have Zachary dodging Taliban for us?”

In a public statement, CNN lauded Young’s bravery and confirmed the multimillion-dollar deal, mentioning that it includes a bonus structure for any future rescues he might undertake—preferably during sweeps week.

Critics have accused CNN of commodifying heroism, but the network insists it is simply supporting “freelance peacekeeping efforts” in its own unique way.

As of press time, CNN was reportedly pitching a new reality series titled “Escape from Kabul,” with Young eyed as the lead, provided he’s willing to wear a GoPro at all times.

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