The FBI is reportedly opening a state-of-the-art “Emotional Support Wing” for indicted Russiagate figures, complete with bean bag chairs, adult coloring books, and a continuous loop of NPR podcasts playing softly in the background, sources have confirmed.
Upon entry, each defendant is paired with an Emotional Support Dummy — a re-imagined “crash test dummy “that whispers affirmations like “You’re a winner” and “You’re strong, independent and wonderful.”
Originally, the dummies also whispered “You’re mommy’s favorite,” but the left deemed it unfair since not everyone could be the favorite, which made them feel less special.
Therapy snails are also available for stress relief.
However, several have been spotted fleeing the premises at roughly the same speed their owners’ thoughts travel from brain to speech.
Witnesses described the scene as “painfully slow, but still faster than most Democrat policy rollouts.”
One source claimed Adam Schiff has requested a custom dummy that exclusively whispers “It really was Russia,” while Hillary Clinton ordered her therapy snail in a pantsuit.
The FBI says these measures ensure “emotional equity” in the courtroom, even as Trump and JD Vance’s cleanup crew works overtime to restore accountability.
As of press time, Nancy Pelosi was reportedly leading a guided meditation session , through the gate ,where participants imagined a world without consequences while sitting in a circle of taxpayer-funded Himalayan salt lamps.
Get this ? There will never be one person ever to face any charges much less a Court Room . Trump and Vance have not even levied one charge . Like always it’s all Yadda Yadda . Talk about fools rushing in Where angels fear to tread ! 👋Cute article☝️ But it fits what and the definition Democrats have Of Americans ! .Especially the ones turned into morons . This is the kind of silliness that democrats are known for.
The idea of the treasonous FBI doing anything positive is ludicrous!! And as for accountability!
First off that’s one wing / building/ courtroom or facility that will stay empty. And Americans have paid them enough No crayon/ coloring books Etc: ! Democrats always console themselves with their whoring media’s and . And get thrills down their spines each time their grubby hands reach into our treasury. And they give themselves awards. Their love for suicides to the back of the head give them goose bumps. And each time a convince a female to abort their baby they become so excited they use their depends. Then you throw in the many gender mutilations and Made up lies to destroy and innocent person.Simply means they can’t conain their excitement.
As for Pelosi leading any kind meditation is a joke . Only thing she is good at is lifting her glass and behaving like a child . If people are not praising her she is not going to be the calm in the room. The only thing close is her level of drunkenness.
They need to rethink a place to put democrats and rinos !
Oh wait God already did that. He Created a hot place
You do realize this site is satire….right!?
You do realize it has to be. Because You Tube will take it off If they print it like it just happened in the real concepts of actual events . One can not say what the actual words are . You must have already seen the news to know what it means without being funny. Like one can call the thing one wears in a holster a force multiplier But not the real name.