Nathan’s hot dog company has banned superstar celebrity eater Joey Chestnut from their annual Fourth of July contest after discovering he’s just been jamming those hot dogs into his pockets all of these years, sources have confirmed.
“This is a disgrace to the sport we love,” said Scott Brown, one of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Contest judges. “After receiving anonymous tips from Chestnut’s competitors, we reviewed the surveillance footage and confirmed it: that guy’s just been shoving these dogs into his cargo pockets all this time. He’s eating like four or five of them, tops. This is really embarrassing for all of us, as I’m sure you can understand. Turns out nobody can eat that many hot dogs after all.”
The news was received favorably by Chestnut’s peers.
“Good, let someone else have a chance,” said 2023 entrant Arnold “Wet Buns” Connors, about the now banned 16-time champion. “I thought I had a pretty good outing last year when I wolfed down 12 of those bad boys in 10 minutes. Then they said Joey did 70-something and it was like, no way dude. I thought he bribed the judges or something, but stuffing them into his pockets was a pretty good idea too. I’m surprised he got away with it for so long!”
As of press time, authorities had found several more hot dogs hidden away in parts of Chestnut they didn’t care to disclose.
Who really played who? Thoses over priced dogs that Nathan’s rip-off consumers who are dumb enough to pay five bucks for. Joey got a better deal else where you can bet on. Nathan’s was mad because they got used. What goes around, comes around.