New Eminem fans have demanded his cancellation over a proposed Christmas album with Kid Rock, unaware they’ve submitted their names for his next diss track, sources have confirmed.
The protesters, younger than his first parental advisory sticker, accused the rapper of abandoning his longstanding commitment to making everyone feel comfortable.
“I discovered him through a motivational gym reel,” said activist Brayden Evergreen.
“Nobody warned me Slim Shady was problematic. I thought Shady was his sunscreen brand.”
Veteran listeners attempted to explain his discography before giving up and ordering better headphones for the approaching casualties.
Seven activists left their mothers’ basements without posting first and occupied the end of a cul-de-sac, demanding Christmas be suspended pending a diversity audit of the reindeer.
Their leader called Eminem “a dangerous bully,” then helpfully uploaded his full name, podcast, poetry collection, and seventeen videos explaining why punctuality is colonialism.
Eminem thanked him for the research assistance.
Kid Rock supplied sleigh bells while Eminem filled a napkin with lyrics beneath the title “So Woke You Choke.”
“He can’t attack private citizens,” Brayden insisted, adjusting the ring light for his ninth public statement about defeating Eminem.
As of press time, Eminem was heard rehearsing: “Oops, there goes B. Evergreen, all upset ’cause Eminem’s mean. Left Mom’s basement to make a scene. She packed his lunch, he’s nineteen.”
JK spittin’ .