A shocking new study reveals that as many as five out of three people struggle with basic math, sources confirm.
“You’d be surprised,” said high school teacher Louis Marshall. “Kids don’t know how to do anything related to math. Hell, these days I’d be happy if they used their calculator. They won’t even do that. They just look at me and vape while I teach. I gotta get a new job. But honestly, I’m horseshit at math and things like that myself, so I’m not sure where to look.”
The study found that in addition to teens, as many as 120% of adults struggled with the basic concepts behind arithmetic.
“What, 120? That doesn’t make any sense,” said Professor Carl Sanders, who helped conduct the study. “Look, if you’re one of the many people that don’t quite grasp math, and that’s why you got into journalism, I understand that. There’s no need to be so hostile, however. We’re just trying to spread awareness and maybe help people catch up on some math stuff they should know by now. Please, put the safety compass down.”
As of press time, the study’s results reportedly weren’t all that surprising to two out of eight people, about half.
5 out of three people suffer with math? Must be including pregnancy’s? It’s difficult finding five people in three!
Very good question! Five out of three folks meaning two of them must be carrying children or fetuses or whichever!
The left does not believe a fetus is a person. Just a mass of cells , like a wart or a hemorrhoid. I truly feel sorry for their soul, as the day will come when they will understand how selfish and empty inside they are. Pray for them.
You do know this is a satire site, right?
Where “Common Sense” prevails!!!!!!
Struggles with basic math might actually explain why :
1) Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three do.
2) Idiots are supposed to be one to a village, but it seems like more.
3) Seven inches to a man is only 5 inches to a woman.
5) There really are more horses asses than horses.
9) While delivering a single baby a women told her Doctor,
“ They aren’t coming out !”
3) and 5) are spot-on! I can only imagine how these “geniuses” do in geometry — I guess they would have to learn how to spell.
This is only a symptom of what’s wrong in Washington, D.C.
Afterall, The United States, according to mathematical geniuses in Washington, tell us, “It’s only 37 TRILLION DOLLARS”!
What happened to 4, 6, 7 and 8?
Wow, that is quite an improvement from last year when it was nine out of five! Board of education must have new members.
Folks, look, 12,000 migrants a day is wrong! Zero isn’t even a number. That leaves 12. You following this? I graduated top of my class! It was in Scranton. Gimme a break! I can beat Trump behind the Jim! Edjewcation is impourtaint!
No one cares what you think, jho. Or even if you can. The biden name will forever be synonymous with crime, corruption, drugs , perversion, stupidity and the fact they put the dems in dementia.
Get rid of the “New Math” and get back to the Basic Math. Then 2+2=4 and not 5 or 6.
That’s not surprising hell eighty percent don’t even know what sex they are or what bathroom to use
This is funny. I wonder how many young people who read this would even notice there was a problem with the math.
That’s ok! I am 71. I had to multiply 4 * 19. It took a couple of seconds. As soon as I spoke the product an 18 year old Indian immigrant confirmed my answer. I thought, WTF does he think I am? 5 out of 3?
This be a ease one. 2and 3/5 of 1
What’s wrong with 5 out of 3? That’s how democrat states vote! 5 out of 3 voters approve kamela toe the ho.