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Home U.S. News

Newsom Casts $12B Spell to Build Train That Exists Only in His Imagination

Joe King by Joe King
February 7, 2026
in U.S. News
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Invisible Train
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In a glittering ceremony that looked like a merger between Sacramento City Hall and Hogwarts on a budget, Governor Gavin Newsom officially rebranded California’s $12-billion, zero-track high-speed rail project as “Orwellian Arcane Achievement Art,” sources have confirmed.

Draped in a velvet robe and clutching a glowing crystal tablet titled Infrastructure of the Mind, Newsom proclaimed that the train now exists “on a higher magical plane beyond the petty tyranny of physics.”



A Republican senator dryly leaned over and asked, “Governor, you know magic isn’t real, right?” before Newsom’s team rolled out a rumbling diesel freight engine from some forgotten era and insisted it was “symbolic momentum.”

The locomotive was promptly doused in bureaucratic incense and blessed by a staff-wielding “Chief Wizard of Equity,” who rechristened it The Spirit of Progress (No Track Required).

State Democrats applauded wildly, claiming invisible rails were actually the most environmentally just rails ever conceived.

A towering marble plaque was unveiled beside an empty field, engraved with: WE BUILT NOTHING — BE GRATEFUL.

Newsom then summoned a gleaming golden griffin to carry his next $15 billion “petty cash” request to the legislature, while lawmakers lined up to feed it organic, pre-paid credit cards.

As of press time Newsom was already drafting a spell to make the nonexistent tracks even more nonexistent.

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Comments 11

  1. Kenneth Heimlich says:
    1 month ago

    This story should be funny? However it is anything but. The amount of fraud and abuse of power has been running unchallenged since the Biden disaster. Somebody needs to put a bullet in it . Retrieve all of our funds put people in prison and get this country back on track.

    Reply
  2. Tuna says:
    1 month ago

    My grandmother used to say “You reap what you sow.” Since Californians are content to keep voting these wasteful and hypocritical Democrats into power, let them continue to pay high taxes while sinking deeper towards bankruptcy. As long as this “disease” take hold outside of California, who really cares?

    Reply
    • Steve Norman says:
      1 month ago

      Do Californians really vote these cretins onto power OR do the demoloons let the machines do all the work?
      Imagine all the millions spent (with friends ad agencies) that get kicked back because of all the corruption. Tax doolars spent? More likely tax dollars recycled to some offshore account or Bitcoin wallet.

      Reply
    • Linda says:
      1 month ago

      I care! I’m a 4th generation Californian! This mess just goes to show one party rule doesn’t work. Get ready he’s coming for you! When there’s no opposition to vote for this is what happens! I fight against this crap as much as I can! Nobody deserves this abuse of power!

      Reply
  3. John F Gragowski says:
    1 month ago

    The amount of fraud being uncovered in this country is a disgrace. If we don’t see some politicians behind bars, if they are complicit, people will lose what little faith they have left in government.

    Reply
  4. Joe Modarots says:
    1 month ago

    Sounds like an oath that every Democrat should be required to recite when sworn into office ;
    “ We build nothing, we make nothing, we produce nothing, we provide nothing, we accomplish nothing, we are nothing – Be grateful ! “

    Reply
    • Michael JAMES Flynn says:
      1 month ago

      You forgot to add but trust me and vote for me.

      Reply
  5. Possum love says:
    1 month ago

    I actually found a article that says Gavin Newsom pardoned a criminal and that person upon release, murdered his victim who testified against him! And Gavin wants to be our next president 😂 😂😄

    Reply
  6. Doug says:
    1 month ago

    You guys are great, but maybe you need to research a little more what you are drawing.

    Uh, that’s a STEAM engine, not a diesel. Hey, no one can know everything.

    Your minor infraction is forgiven.

    Reply
    • Joe Modarots says:
      1 month ago

      Maybe because diesel is fossil fuel derived, Newscum is planning to use steam engines !
      Do you think he knows the steam comes from burning “clean, beautiful coal ?”
      Maybe he’s more of a “Trumper” than he realizes !
      At any rate, by the time he finishes this boondoggle he’ll have to use foot powered Fred Flintstone mobiles because his ilk will have this country back in the Stone Age !

      Reply
  7. Suy says:
    1 month ago

    Newscum uses taxpayers money like it’s his personal ATM he never uses his own money for anything. And this asshole thinks he has a chance as a presidential candidate he’s going to get humiliated and his ego is going to get squashed like the bug he is. His corrupt aunt Pelosi has no power to push his sorry ass forward. democrats are in big trouble right now if all they have is lying Harris and California destroyer Newscum. Either one of them never accomplished anything worth celebrating. Newsom bankrupted California and Harris allowed 20-30 Million illegals invade or country and neighborhoods what a pathetic pair.

    Reply

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