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Home U.S. News

Newsom Denies Dirty Hands After Crayon-Smear Scandal: “They’re Stained With Justice!”

J.K. Around by J.K. Around
August 13, 2025
in U.S. News
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Blue hands Newsom
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While Democrats face growing scrutiny over congressional representation gaps, Chuck Schumer and Gavin Newsom were reportedly spotted huddled in a Capitol broom closet, frantically stuffing a stack of crayon-drawn maps into a Whole Foods paper bag, sources have confirmed.

Each map was proudly titled “Blue Dreams” in glitter glue and, instead of state lines, featured one massive blue circle labeled “This Is All Ours.”



Witnesses say the two men debated whether the circle should include Texas “once it’s properly educated.”

Schumer, in full grandpa-scold mode, waved away concerns, claiming, “What we do isn’t gerrymandering… it’s vision boarding for democracy.”

Newsom nodded vigorously, his perfect hair somehow undisturbed by the broom closet humidity.

But when a reporter pointed out his hands were smeared with bright blue crayon, Newsom burst out, “My hands aren’t dirty… they’re stained! Stained with justice and sustainable pigment!”

Sources say Schumer then strutted out singing his own woke remix of This Land Is Your Land:

“This land is our land, this land is BLUE land,
From California… to OUR Plan!”

As of press time, aides say the “new plan” includes Sharpie-proof paper, safe spaces for the “woke” in case Republicans accidentally win — complete with therapy puppies, weighted blankets, and pre-printed woke protest signs

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Comments 4

  1. Darby O'Gill says:
    3 days ago

    Justice doesn’t leave stains…..it is evil that leaves stains !!

    Reply
  2. Susan Evans says:
    3 days ago

    This time in history is unbelievable
    The dismantling of democracy!!
    We have a president who is a fascist
    And who is not very bright
    We can march and join Move On and Indivisible
    and pray for the return of sanity

    Reply
  3. Susan Evans says:
    3 days ago

    This time in history is unbelievable
    The dismantling of democracy!!
    We have a president who is a fascist
    And who is not very bright
    We can march and join Move On and Indivisible
    and pray for the return of sanity !!!

    Reply
  4. GSM says:
    2 days ago

    Today I am astounded as to how many Americans do not understand the mess that the last 100 years of Federal government has done to this country and it’s people. They gave our ability to create and make our own goods to the rest of the world. They started wars to get rich off of the deaths of our people They gave the making of our pharmaceuticals to the country who wants us dead. Plus our food is owned and created By the same people ! All while making our people starve and homeless. And telling blacks they deserve the entire country of which blacks did not die for those freedoms they enjoy By getting rid of King George . In the Revolutionary War that made us a nation of Americans not immigrants or African Americans. We are simply Americans They dumb our people down. By telling them we stole this nation. Well every nation is taken over by people from other places. People don’t pop out of the ground Now the democrats agendas is to kill off Americans while replacing us with millions of illegals. Republicans are nothing more than wussies.
    I am nearly 80 years old. During my entire life I have seen this evil unfold .They marched me and every other child down the hall and forced two vaccines into our arms That had over 157 diseases in them. When I was diagnosed with MS they sent me a letter wanting to know if I had any of the other diseases on their list Oh yeah that is real. I watched as Republicans kissed the anus of Democrats for money. And the party that once was for the working man Call for his death Especially if you are white. I watched the Equal rights laws be shifted to one side. Blacks do not believe equal rights are for everyone except blacks Not white people. I heard the government say Blacks were not getting a good education like white people So they put them all together and never lifted anyone up. In fact they all were made stupid . And the education system now turns out morons who can’t count or read.
    All I can say is God is using Trump to try and stop this collapse that the last 4 years caused. Just maybe somewhere in the brains of Americans with common sense They will realize they need to stop attacking And start standing together Trump didn’t cause this You And I did. By doing nothing to stop all of the above If you don’t Then China who those same politicians borrowed us into oblivion Will call in their note And the collateral against that money Is the entire United States And that includes the slaves we will be as they get rid of us.
    Revelations tells us where we are. God is about to take over. And if you don’t belong to him. Well it’s not going to go well for you.

    Reply

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