In an astonishing turn of events, last year’s high school valedictorian, with a GPA that towers over his classmates, shockingly admitted he cannot read, write, or understand basic lessons, sources have confirmed.
The revelation came to light just as the student delivered his graduation speech through an interpretive dance, explaining that traditional communication was never his forte.
Teachers at the high school are baffled, having watched the student navigate through advanced placement courses with little more than charming smiles and an extensive collection of artistic doodles. “We thought his silent reading was just him being profound,” one educator remarked.
The school administration is now facing scrutiny over its grading policies, particularly the liberal use of emojis instead of numerical scores. “If a picture is worth a thousand words, a smiley face is at least a B-plus,” the principal defended.
Amid the uproar, colleges that eagerly offered the student full scholarships are hastily revising their admissions criteria. Meanwhile, the valedictorian’s future plans include a potential career in politics, where he feels his skills might be more appropriately valued.
As of press time, the student was reportedly negotiating his own reality TV show, where he plans to teach other students how to succeed without ever opening a book.
This is a bunch of B.S. (and not the degree kind). No school named, student not named, nothing. Very poor reporting or fictional writing.
This is a satire site
Yep, and in view of the responses to other posts, an amazing amount of people don’t get it. 😛
A scathing indictment of our education system.
I think this refers to an actual student in Rhode Island.
Satire used to be easy to identify but now so much of it is believable common occurence.
Sad to say but it’s prior Connecticut student and she was rushed through as part of the “no child left behind “ policy of this state. There are thousands of others in the same predicament.
Satire maybe but the reality is so common place as the Democratic Party funded Teachers Union continues to churn out students who either drop out or graduate who can hardly read, write or do basic math. Never mind science, that would be a luxury.
Satire maybe but the reality is so common place as the Democratic Party funded Teachers Union continues to churn out students who either drop out or graduate who can hardly read, write or do basic math. Never mind science, that would be a luxury.
GOV stats just reported that 98% of 4th graders could not read or had basic math.
Then the graduating class stats are pathetic. And Harvard’s Medical Professors have been fighting with the Institution to stop DEI . Because those they were putting into med school could not pass the test to qualify for entry.
Thank God ! Trump has removed the DOE It’s nothing more than a laundering facility for unions that do not care for our children Over the past 20 yrs And especially the last 4 yrs. How many teachers raped and abused/ sexually? But we’re not fired But let go after they were caught with full pensions and severance packages. After they ruined the children