Administrators across the California State University system announced emergency curriculum updates after incoming freshmen politely requested professors begin lectures with the alphabet so everyone could operate from a shared academic baseline, sources have confirmed
The changes follow the 2022 removal of SAT requirements, a reform promoted by leftists who warned standardized testing unfairly rewarded students who paid attention, completed assignments, or accidentally learned things.
Lawmakers praised the policy for protecting children from the psychological trauma of discovering wrong answers exist.
Within weeks, professors reported students asking whether essays must contain sentences or if that expectation reflected legacy merit systems.
One campus equity board recommended grading based on “intent to understand” to prevent exclusion by literacy.
An English syllabus now includes “capital letters,” “paragraph spacing,” and a midterm where students bravely read an entire page before responding emotionally.
The math department replaced calculus with “numbers but affirming,” after several students filed complaints about unequal experiences with fractions.
Parents applauded universities for providing luxury elementary education at competitive annual tuition, noting they were previously forced to obtain basic instruction free of charge in public school.
Supporters clarified standards were not lowered, merely relocated to a later stage of life where students could confront them with maturity, supervision, and federally backed loans.
Even as lawsuits claim social media damaged adolescent development, officials emphasized modern education meets students where they are — academically nine but financially independent.
As of press time faculty were preparing workshops explaining instructions are not oppressive suggestions and deadlines are not a form of academic violence
One day we’ll have to be our own doctors and lawyers. So very pleased to be in the second half of my life. 😉
Now we know why democrats are called “mind numbing”.
The state of California has been ruined by illegals and Kommiecrats.
At first I thought this story was a spoof, but now I see that it’s very true all because of yuppie scumbags taking over our country and destroying our form of government!!!
“Can I bring my puppy to class?”
“Can we do show and tell?”
“Can I see the nurse? I banged my head on the monkey bars.”
“Can we watch Ariana Grande videos?”
We can still make money, selling them into bondage.
Can I bring a 3 year old to class. She will have a college degree by the time she 7.
Unfortunately this is too close to the truth. Lowered standards to make people feel good means lowered quality.
In the Democrats quest to make sure that their voters have the required credentials to be hired to government funded positions, they have year after year had to lower educational standards to where we are today. We are seeing the results of allowing 18 y.o.S borrow more and more to fund the horrendous costs to fill classrooms with sub par students who will have to be granted a degree if they are ever going to be able to pay any of the money back. This also applies to masters degree mills from schools you’ve never heard of who offer online courses at big prices and low quality.