The United States of America continued its dominance in the Paris Summer Games this morning, as they took the Gold Medal home in the first-ever Shoplifting Event, sources have confirmed.
“Wow, what competitors those American shoplifters are,” said commentator Al Michaels, shortly after the American team had completed their routine. “The way they entered that CVS and took as many bottles of liquor, bundles of diapers, and packs of cigarettes as they could in the allotted 60 seconds. No way the Chinese team will beat that haul. Athletes like this are the reason why we watch the Olympics, as well as the reason why you have to ask for an associate to unlock the deodorant these days.”
Despite the positive reception given to the event, many have claimed Americans have an unfair advantage in the newfound sport.
“Why would they turn an American pastime into an international Olympic sport?” asked Jacques Boucher, a French local. “It just doesn’t make sense. This is worse than Nigeria getting the Gold Medal in the Internet Scams last week. These games are the real scam, I’ll tell you. Can we at least get some medals in things like Smoking Cigarettes and Running Away From Major Conflicts so France has a chance to get back in this thing?”
As of press time, someone had stolen the shoplifting medal before it could be award to the Americans.
France could easily win a Gold Medal for rioting!
France could take the gold medal for the longest time without showering.
I don’t know, the US Democrat team could certainly give France a run for their money in the rioting category.
Orion: Ah yes, I saw them on January 6 at the U.S, capitol. Oh wait. Sorry, my mistake. Those were Republicans. .
That’s only because the MSM didn’t show much of the “Summer of Peaceful Protests” where the Demoncrats were burning down our cities. I recall one such broadcast where a journalist in Denver, CO saying how the protesters were peaceful, unbeknownst to him, his cameraman was showing the buildings in flames. At least the cameraman had some ethics!
No Free Speech for Marxists or Communists!
So True
The French team also swept the Retreat Events, wherein the competitors run backwards, away from danger.
Also the San Francisco Homeless drug team would certainly win the longest time without a shower event particularly if the event included smallest area covered with needles and feces in the shortest time
I feel that equal coverage should be given to the Senior Olympics which are (is?) held on the third Friday of even-numbered months. Events such as The Extremely Low Hurdles and The Fifteen Yard Hobble (track and field) and The Knee Deep Wade (aquatic) usually draw capacity crowds here at Mrs. Krovnoid’s Home For The Terminally Confused. 8/9/24
Walking and viewing, not rioting! Dems did that all over the U.S. with the black clothes dressed thugs. Great viewing, though. I was noted that it was mostly peaceful while the place was 🔥 burning in the background. I bet the dem constituents will show us more of this democracy after Trump wins again!
It would be more equitable if your picture accompanying the story was that of a black man or woman than some white dude. Blacks have far more creed in these events while whites are as scarce as a hen’s tooth.
These comments are like a proud boys meeting. Satire
Yes!
My other reply was meant for seth. Rioting has been seen on both sides. It is an equal opportunity sport done by young and old, men and women and others, republicans and democrats, USA folks and those from most all other countries. It is done when one group of people are upset about what they perceive as an injustice to them. Unless you can prove that whatever group you are dissing is the only group that riots you have no standing.