The first recipient of a Neuralink chip in their brain reportedly won’t shut up about having to update his terms of service, sources confirm.
“Will someone please update me?” asked Noland Arbaugh, who volunteered to be the first human to receive the computer implant in his brain earlier this year, not realizing the constant barrage of updates he was signing up for. “Every morning I wake up and this thing is pounding in my head and screaming the word ‘Update!’ inside of my brain in a way that I can only hear and it’s driving me crazy. Why does this thing need to update so damn much? I agree to whatever the terms of service are! Just make it stop!”
Developers of the chip reminded potential users that the technology is still in the early stages of its existence.
“Look, we’re figuring it out as we go,” said Neuralink engineer Martin Pollack. “Most apps and stuff need to be updated all the time, you know? Our brain chips aren’t so different. But I’m confident we’ll get all the wrinkles ironed out, like getting the update notifications to stop causing migraines and stuff like that.”
As of press time, Arbaugh had bumped his head on a doorway and was now speaking fluent Spanish.
The future of the world. The Borg lifestyle. With one or two persons sitting at a terminal tellling you your choores to do! CYBORG