Newsom Replaces Voting Maps with Magical Mood Rings That Only Register When They Turn Blue, sources have confirmed.
In a move described by experts as “Harry Potter meets Portland coffeehouse activism,” California Governor Gavin Newsom unveiled a bold new voting system to replace traditional congressional maps.
Each Californian will now be issued a government-approved mood ring, which allegedly redraws districts based on collective vibes. But in a shocking twist, insiders revealed Newsom’s team is only recording the rings when they turn blue.
“This is about democracy, as long as it delivers exactly the results I want,” explained Dr. Indigo Daydream(Newsom’s woke alter ego), a self-identified “Electoral Energy Healer.”
“Republicans simply don’t resonate on the same frequency.
If the ring turns red, it means you’re spiritually unfit to participate in Newsom’s California.”
Critics accused the governor of stacking the deck, but Newsom defended the policy as “woke science.”
According to leaked memos, his staff tested the rings at Berkeley, Whole Foods, and three separate kombucha festivals, where they “consistently turned blue under the influence of organic incense.”
One anonymous staffer admitted the strategy is meant to “hedge bets” in case voters didn’t hate Trump hard enough on their own.
“Governor Newsom knows best,” the source said.
“If a voter’s aura doesn’t align with kale-scented democracy, we just don’t count it.”
As of press time, California officials confirmed the mood rings had been certified by the state’s new Office of Astrological Compliance, provided Mercury stays in retrograde through Election Day.
Kalifornia need to split off into the Pacific soon.
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Ask why ?
All all those vile vulgar putrid Hollywood people are not raising $&@@ over the fact they are not being issued permits to rebuild their homes.
Since the fires that destroyed the poorest but also the wealthiest neighborhoods. No one is screaming ! Only high rise apartments are replacing the poor people’s land plots . And we know those kind of people are not going to live in a lowly Apartment ! Newsom is definitely getting richer. And Californians are still kissing his bum.
Those land plots alone range in the millions that their homes sat on . And recently their media is showing . Squatters setting up camps on those lots. And this means They can not move the squatters off their expensive piece of real estate Since California allowsSquatters to take homes from their citizens
Only one reason can explain why the people who are helping to destroy America. And dictating to the rest of us how to live . When they live worse than dogs in heat. Like Hawaii where only their homes were saved. Look at those whose homes were saved in California . Do your homework . The answer will slap you in the face !
You are right He does know what’s best for his bank account. Illegals and Newsom and Pelosi and the vile creatures of Hollywood ruined that state