President Joe Biden made a bold statement on the campaign trail earlier today, as he told an assembled crowd that presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump was simply old to hold office, sources have confirmed.
“I’m only gonna say this one time: we can’t elect some fossil like Trump,” said Joe Biden, speaking into an ice cream cone that he’d apparently confused for a microphone. “That would be irresponsible, and bad for our country. I’m only gonna say this one time: we can’t elect some fossil like Trump.”
Local masses yearning to breathe free thought the point was a bit drastic.
“I’m not sure that’s the best approach for Biden, you know,” said Marion Avila, an undecided voter that attended today’s speech. “There are a lot of things you might come after Trump for, but he actually seems like he’s doing pretty well, considering he’s 77 years old. Sometimes when people get that old, their brains turn into absolute soup. It’s a hell of a thing.”
As of press time, The Daily Skrape has had its White House press pass revoked for promoting the baseless theory that Joe Biden is actually four years older than Donald Trump.
