After a landmark unanimous decision by the United States Supreme Court, it will now be fully legal to bribe members of the Supreme Court, sources have confirmed.
Sources are confirming that the United States Supreme Court has issued a unanimous ruling today, dictating that it will now be fully legal for members of the Supreme Court to succumb to corruption.
“This landmark decision was a long time coming,” said Chief Justice Clarence Thomas, who’s been embroiled in several ethics controversies recently, including allegedly receiving over $200,000 from a wealthy donor to purchase an RV. “So many stories are written about our inability to get along, or our inability to adhere to the simplest morality standards, but I think today’s 9-0 vote in support of letting us do whatever we want shows that there still is some unity left on the Supreme Court.”
Voters from both major parties said the ruling restored their faith in the flawed American institution.
“I used to think the Supreme Court was filled with nothing but crooks,” said local business owner Layla Fulton. “But now that they’ve reversed any and all legislation barring our highest elected judges from participating in years of consistent corruption? Well, I guess they’re just doing things by the book now. Since it’s legal now, I have no problem with it. Smart thinking, guys!”
As of press time, another unanimous decision from Supreme Court was announced that decreed members of the Supreme Court will get free coffee at Starbucks from now on.
