In the latest twist coming out of Washington, a young prodigy known colloquially as “Big Balls” has been causing quite a stir within the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), especially shaking up USAID operations, sources have confirmed.
The moniker, which he earned not from audacious acts but from his impressive skills in bureaucratic pinball—a favorite pastime among the DOGE staff—has become a symbol of fear among Democrats.
“Big Balls is rolling through USAID like a kid in a candy shop, and we’re just trying not to get squashed,” a Democratic aide confessed under the condition of anonymity. The young whiz kid’s approach, which includes slashing inefficiencies and digitizing ancient filing systems, has sparked both admiration and fear, with older bureaucrats scrambling to keep up.
Democratic leaders have expressed concerns that his innovative methods are too disruptive, potentially threatening the ‘careful’ balance of traditional inefficiencies that have historically defined the agency. “It’s like he’s playing a game, but the stakes are actual taxpayer dollars,” lamented one senior Democrat.
As of press time, “Big Balls” was reportedly seen setting up a high-score on the latest government-funded pinball machine, aptly named “Budget Blast,” while veteran staffers lined up for their turn, hoping to learn a thing or two about keeping up with the pace of change.
Hmmm, sounds like Big Balls might have the initials EM😄. Good job Big Balls!!!
Great job weeding out inefficient workers and wasteful spending.
Hope him and others do great things to improve spending with America first in mind