Washington Commanders head coach Dan Quinn was left bloodied after colliding with quarterback Marcus Mariota, and within minutes, woke protesters demanded the game be forfeited due to the sight of blood on television, sources have confirmed.
Eyewitnesses report that progressive activists huddled in “emergency safe spaces” outside the stadium, sobbing uncontrollably as they relived the trauma of scraping their knees during childhood hopscotch tournaments.
Chants of “ban blood” and “football is violence” echoed through megaphones powered by solar panels that worked only intermittently.
Inside the stadium, however, Commanders fans roared with approval, cheering the collision as the very essence of American football.
Many cited the team’s decisive win as proof that toughness and grit — not “trigger warnings” — still define the sport.
One fan was overheard saying, “If a bloody nose doesn’t belong in football, neither does the $12 flat beer — and you’re not taking my beer away ”
Meanwhile, Quinn wiped his nose, shrugged it off, and kept coaching, an act progressives labeled “toxic resilience.”
Calls for his suspension quickly trended on social media alongside demands for Mariota to undergo “accountability yoga.”
As of press time, demonstrators were requesting the Smithsonian curate Quinn’s bloody towel as evidence of “traumatizing triggers in contact sports.”
Well there it is. Woke people are like Clint Eastwood says
Too pussified To handle life much less truth . For their sakes I hope they realize . That the bloodiest war is coming to their doors. All their protests with our enemies against Americans are opening the door for a worse invasion than illegals . Watch your worthless wussie illegals that would not fight for their own countries . Return with their tail between their legs
Let’s see if they can handle what China/Russia does to their own people .
These tinkebells are about to have their eyes made to open
The warped Woke would no doubt be traumatized by the sound when sitting on a whoopie cushion. They must need to be “protected” – so put them in a padded cell.