Kamala Harris Clarifies She Only Oversaw Sandwich Decisions, Sources Have Confirmed.
In a desperate attempt to salvage her image after admitting she “oversaw most of the decisions” in the Biden White House, former Vice President Kamala Harris has now claimed she was only in charge of deli meat logistics.
“Joe was overwhelmed by hoagies,” Harris explained. “I was the steady hand guiding him through pastrami versus salami. History will thank me.”
Her book devotes an entire chapter to “Operation Turkey on Rye,” where Harris boasts about successfully convincing Biden to add pickles to his lunch.
Staffers say her other “decisions” included banning Miracle Whip, declaring Dijon mustard “elitist,” and once vetoing soup because “it felt colonial.”
Republicans quickly ridiculed her confession. One Trump aide quipped: “If Harris handled the border like she handled potato chips, no wonder we ran out of Doritos and security.”
Meanwhile, progressive allies praised her for “reimagining executive dining,” comparing her to FDR, except with more cole slaw.
As of press time, Harris was reportedly heard saying, “If politics and book sales don’t work, I may open a deli.”
Why does it seem more likely that Kamala and Joe had a steady diet of Bologna (baloney).
I Agree