Left-Wing Commentators Say Kangaroo Attack Could’ve Been Avoided If Cyclists Had Listened

Left-wing commentators across Australia and the global commentariat insisted this week that a kangaroo attack during a cycling race could have been prevented if riders had simply listened, sources have confirmed.

Climate activist Greta Thornberg reportedly scolded cyclists for “aggressively pedaling through sensitive marsupial spaces,” urging them to pause, reflect, and ask the kangaroos how the race made them feel before continuing.

“Speed is violence,” she allegedly explained, adding that bicycles are a symbol of unchecked human momentum.

Several commentators argued the cyclists failed to de-escalate the situation by refusing to dismount and have a respectful dialogue with the wildlife.

One expert suggested ringing a bell in a non-threatening tone and waiting for verbal consent from the kangaroos before proceeding.

Australians and normal people everywhere reacted differently, mostly by shrugging and saying things like, “Yeah, there’s kangaroos,” and “What did you expect?”

Residents noted that Australia contains kangaroos, crocodiles, sharks, snakes, spiders, and several creatures science hasn’t officially named yet.

“You ride a bike, hike, or drive here,” one local said, “you might meet wildlife.”

Experts also confirmed wildlife does not speak English, respond to listening sessions, or care about race rules.

As of press time, cyclists were advised to bring helmets, water, and a certified wildlife interpreter just in case.