Mamdani Says Funding Isn’t Important — Free Buses Will Manifest Themselves Through Socialism and Positive Thinking

New York’s mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani shocked reporters this week after openly admitting he has no idea how to pay for his $700 million “free bus” plan — but reassured New Yorkers that funding is “not really the point,” sources have confirmed.

Mamdani insisted the priority isn’t the math, the budget, or even reality itself, but simply the act of making buses free and hoping the details magically resolve themselves.

“The most important fact is that we do it — not how we do it,” he told reporters, echoing the financial strategy typically used by toddlers, lottery addicts, and 23-year-olds who list Klarna payments as a life goal.

Mamdani’s supporters praised his “visionary socialist optimism,” while critics pointed out several logistical concerns, such as:

• buses cannot run on vibes,
• drivers do not accept exposure as payment,
• and no amount of progressive fairy dust will stop the MTA from needing actual money.

Experts also noted that even “green” buses cost more to operate than a Manhattan studio apartment — which already runs $5,000 a month before utilities.

One transit analyst said Mamdani’s plan resembles “a maze with no exit,” which ironically describes every conversation Mamdani has ever had about economics.

As of press time, Mamdani was reportedly considering a plan to charge New Yorkers a fee for entering and exiting the city — a kind of socialist toll booth designed to ensure no dollar escapes alive, progressives everywhere celebrated the idea.