A Florida Democrat under federal indictment allegedly explained that her family believed a $5 million COVID relief overpayment was a surprise government thank you gift and proceeded under the long standing public policy doctrine of “finders keepers,” sources have confirmed
According to insiders, the family originally requested $50,000 but assumed the extra $4,950,000 was a bonus for surviving lockdowns, filling out paperwork, and believing whatever the CDC said that week.
One associate said returning the money “never crossed their minds” because the funds appeared in the account and therefore clearly wanted to be there.
Within weeks, prosecutors allege the money began expressing itself through campaign donations, luxury purchases, and a 3 carat yellow diamond ring later classified as essential COVID morale infrastructure for marginalized fingers.
Supporters insist the spending followed progressive budgeting principles, which state that once federal money arrives it becomes emotionally owned and legally fluid.
Critics were dismissed as anti science, anti joy, and dangerously attached to reality.
Five years after the pandemic, Cherfilus-McCormick allegedly applied for additional emergency COVID funds, prompting investigators to ask why.
One aide reportedly replied the money was mostly needed to post bail after the arrest, noting that without ongoing COVID funding, even minor inconveniences like federal charges have become financially stressful.
Republicans expressed shock that even after an indictment, the congresswoman still attempted to secure more taxpayer money, calling the move “bold,” “on brand,” and “extremely Democrat.”
As of press time the family was still unclear why anyone expected the money back once it had already been spent
