WINNIPEG — Canadian officials are insisting there is absolutely no connection between a U.S. minor league baseball team’s bus going up in flames and local fears that the visiting Americans might embarrass Winnipeg at its own ballpark, sources have confirmed.
“This had nothing to do with baseball,” said one nervous Canadian fan while quietly hiding a foam finger, a lighter, and three apology notes.
“We are a peaceful people. We only riot over hockey, maple syrup shortages, and Americans showing up with confidence.”
The Illinois-based team was staying at a nearby hotel when its charter bus reportedly burst into flames outside the stadium, leaving players stunned, firefighters busy, and local fans pretending they had never once muttered, “Maybe if their bus disappears, they can’t win the series.”
Winnipeg leaders immediately condemned the incident and offered the American team a replacement bus made entirely of recycled apologies and emotional support poutine.
“This is not who we are,” said one official.
“We would never sabotage an opponent. We would simply be passive-aggressive, overcharge them for parking, and say ‘good luck’ in a tone that means the opposite.”
Sources say Canadian fans grew increasingly anxious after realizing the Americans brought bats, gloves, and the dangerous expectation that baseball should involve scoring runs.
As of press time, Winnipeg had proposed resolving the series the Canadian way: both teams apologize, everyone gets one run, and the trophy is awarded to whoever says “sorry” with the most sincerity.
