Robert Irwin Flees Los Angeles After Discovering Its “Woke Crocodiles” Have No Teeth but Endless Demands
After spending months in California, wildlife expert Robert Irwin has officially declared that the “crocodiles” of Los Angeles are more...
Jordan Subpoenas Insurers, Discovers Obamacare Was Actually ‘All-Expenses-Paid Island Club for Democrats’
WASHINGTON — House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan sent out subpoenas to health care executives after exposing what investigators are already...
New Democrat Agency Rules Reality ‘Problematic’ After Failing To Cancel Kid Rock
The Democrats have quietly greenlit a new, entirely imaginary bureau staffed by graduate students, professional scolders, and one trembling emotional-support...
Minneapolis Builds Nation’s Toughest Border to Protest Borders
MINNEAPOLIS — In what organizers called a “bold anti-border statement,” local progressives surrounded their “No Borders Ever” rally with the...
Left Redefines Math After ‘Melania’ Crushes Box Office: ‘Zero Is Whatever Hurts Trump’
In a stunning display of collective brain fog now officially classified as “Stage 5 Trump Derangement Syndrome,” Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen...
Nation Unanimously Agrees: ‘Yes, You Still Have to Testify on Camera
In a historic display of common sense that rattled every Beltway consultant, the American public spontaneously agreed to announce that...
Progressive Mayor Replaces City Services With Luxury SUV Perks
In a bold reimagining of municipal governance, Baltimore has officially replaced basic city services with luxury accessories for Mayor Brandon...
Nicki Minaj Accidentally Destroys the Entire Democrat Election Machine
After Nicki Minaj casually mentioned voter ID in a single Instagram post, the entire Democratic Party reportedly collapsed into a...
NYC Becomes Post-Apocalyptic Ice Rink, Mayor Mamdani Blames Capitalism, Gravity, and Your SUV
New York City residents surveyed their streets a full week after the storm only to discover the snow had achieved...
Canada Ends ‘Let’s See What Happens’ Drug Policy After Discovering What Happens
Canadian officials in British Columbia reportedly pulled the plug on their groundbreaking “do whatever feels progressive” drug strategy after the...
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