Chaos erupted across California’s political scene after Eric Swalwell announced his run for governor, reportedly triggering a statewide panic inside Gavin Newsom’s office as aides feared the campaign might finally expose that Newsom’s entire governorship has been one long acting audition, sources have confirmed.
According to insiders, Newsom froze mid–hair adjustment when he heard the news, staring into the mirror like an actor who just realized someone else stole his role.
Staffers say his first words were, “If Swalwell runs… they might compare our records. My God. People might notice I was pretending this whole time.”
Behind closed doors, aides scrambled to hide props from Newsom’s “governor performance kit,” including his:
- Fake outrage cue cards
- “It’s not my fault” emergency monologue script
- And his signature “look deeply concerned while doing nothing” practice photos
Other sources say Newsom fears Swalwell will expose his moonlighting career as an “ultra-premium paid protester.”
The kind Democrats hire when they need someone to shout, blame Republicans, and cry on cue while maintaining perfect hair volume under stage lighting.
Hollywood donors reportedly told him to stay calm, reminding him that “California is used to bad acting,” but Newsom allegedly paced the room shouting that Swalwell might reveal another closely guarded secret — that his hair and make-up budget alone is larger than the state’s wildfire mitigation plan.
As of press time… Newsom was demanding SAG-AFTRA confirm whether he still qualifies for leading man status.
You left out the receipts from the upper-body dancing instructor at $650 an hour.
Curious that the Dems have to take acting lessons all the time – they are such phony-baloney idiots… so unreal.
Dems eating Dems,loving it ,lol and the Oscar goes to…….
Although this is satire
It brings the danger front and center to every American. As to how corrupt our representatives are.
There is nothing funny about his idea of voting by phone. If California elects this idiot No vote from that state should be counted innany Federal election. The absolute insanity of this. Is the last thing any of us should tolerate by this evil man. A man that should be behind bars at the very least. He slept with a Chinese spy. Because he has access to Sensitive information of our government. He should have been removed . Or anyone who is trying to destroy our country with anyone with a phone. No matter what state or country that person is in that votes Using their phone. This is even a low for democrats . But for those that are satans children . Satan himself protects
Hitler and Stalin And Mussolini And Mao are truly alive in our government.