In a shocking but totally predictable move, outraged Democrats are now insisting Major League Baseball strip the New York Yankees of their 2009 World Series title, sources have confirmed.
Why?
Because Mark Teixeira, former Yankees first baseman and key contributor to that championship run, has the audacity to support Donald Trump.
Elizabeth Warren was reportedly last seen furiously googling “Can we impeach a first baseman?”
While Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez drafted a resolution demanding Teixeira’s 2009 batting average be “canceled retroactively” to reflect “the pain caused to marginalized communities.”
MLB officials, visibly confused, clarified that baseball games cannot be “re-played” 16 years later, though sources say Democrats are considering “an emergency replay season” where only gender-neutral tee-ball players are allowed on the roster.
Meanwhile, Teixeira’s fans are reportedly packing up U-Hauls in Chicago and Los Angeles, moving to Texas just for the chance to vote for him — citing lower crime, better brisket, and the fact that baseball is America’s favorite pastime.
President Trump praised Teixeira’s run for Congress.
Calling him “a true champion — he won in baseball, and now he’s going to win big for Texas and America. He hits home runs, and we’re going to hit home runs for this country again.”
Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders demanded “redistribution of all home runs” so struggling players from 2009 could be awarded participation RBIs.
AOC proposed outlawing curveballs as “microaggressions,” while woke activists marched outside Yankee Stadium holding signs that read: “End Baseball, Start FeelingsBall.”
As of press time, some Democrats were reportedly trying to recruit their own famous candidates to counter Teixeira’s momentum — but so far, only a few Pixar characters had answered the call.
Thank you “Joe King” for pointing out the obvious short-comings and the ignorance of the lefties.
— your artful form is both sad and laughable at the same time.
Just another reason Democrats are past being anthing but putrid vile evil beings who think they are our dictators
A great day will be . When there is absolutely no democrat or rino to even look at or hear
Democrats seek to ruin everything That is remotely American . If it’s not about killingvus it’s about controlling us