Washington, D.C. — The Democratic National Committee has reportedly spent $20 million studying how to “understand and communicate with American men,” only to conclude that “men like tools, freedom, and not being insulted,” sources have confirmed.
The report was immediately deemed offensive and burned ceremonially behind DNC headquarters, as interns held signs reading “Feelings Are Infrastructure.”
AOC, who led the project, announced a follow-up initiative titled “Rebranding Testosterone: The Rebellion of Feelings.”
Standing in front of a whiteboard labeled “Man Things” — featuring words like sports?, oxygen, and why they won’t vote for me — she reportedly told reporters, “I may not understand what men want, but I do know disagreeing with me is toxic masculinity.”
The new study will explore topics such as “Do men pay taxes?”, “Do they have feelings?”, and “Is oxygen a form of privilege?”
One critic was seen holding last year’s W-2 muttering, “I can confirm I breathe, pay taxes, and listening to this I regret both.”
A GOP representative later opened a press conference saying, “This message is for ALL Americans.”
AOC immediately condemned the phrase as “too inclusive.”
As of press time, AOC was reportedly Googling “what does a carburetor do,” while DNC interns drafted new outreach slogans like “Men: We Tolerate You.”
