Hollywood’s Left Furious Americans Keep Liking Sydney Sweeney Anyway

Progressive activists reportedly expressed disbelief this week after Sydney Sweeney’s latest film blew past $200 million at the box office, despite multiple attempts to cancel her for smiling, wearing jeans, and existing comfortably in her own skin, sources have confirmed

According to cultural critics, Sweeney’s success sends a “dangerous message” to young women that hard work, confidence, and liking your country are acceptable life choices.

“If she wanted to succeed, she should’ve been miserable about it,” one activist allegedly explained, adding that joy without visible self-loathing is “deeply threatening to the narrative.”

Several Hollywood commentators questioned why audiences keep gravitating toward someone described as “pleasant,” noting this undermines decades of carefully cultivated grievance.

One panelist reportedly asked why Sweeney couldn’t project the permanent scowl Americans associate with leadership, citing decades of Nancy Pelosi’s famously grim public demeanor as “seriousness,” while others pointed to AOC as proof that looking like you hate everyone equally is more authentic.

Meanwhile, Sweeney was allegedly seen smiling at strangers, hugging kittens, and helping people carry groceries, prompting activists to demand her immediate cancellation for toxic optimism.

As of press time, critics were still furious Americans chose to cancel their outrage instead of her.