California’s political circus reached a new level of meltdown after Hollywood icon Lorenzo Lamas and a swarm of UFC warriors endorsed sheriff Chad Bianco for governor, prompting Gov. Gavin Newsom to draft an emergency statewide No Flexing Ordinance, sources have confirmed.
According to frightened insiders, Newsom panicked when he learned the endorsement list included “half the UFC, three Taekwondo grandmasters, and at least one guy who can break a cinder block with his emotions.”
The governor reportedly ordered staff to ban public flexing, visible biceps, law-and-order rhetoric, and any mustache thicker than three millimeters, citing “a pressing threat of masculine energy.”
Meanwhile, the Bianco campaign released a new ad featuring legal jargon flying across the screen like ninja stars while UFC fighters demonstrate how to “legally neutralize destructive policies with devastating constitutional footwork.”
Progressives across the state screamed that Bianco was “aggressively competent,” “way too logical,” and “annoyingly capable of deadlifting more than the entire legislature combined.”
One Berkeley activist fainted after accidentally witnessing a bicep.
When reporters asked Bianco whether the left’s meltdown was about public safety or his grooming choices, he replied, “So… is this really about my policy plans, or is it just the mustache again?”
As of press time, Newsom was rumored to be drafting Phase Two of the ordinance, temporarily outlawing triceps “until further emotional stabilization of California’s progressive population.”
There is no such thing as a “stabile progressive”
So when a gtoup of school students are one-uping each other flexing like the hulk cartoon, it is mandatory for the police to arrest them all. If that sounds ludicrous, that is exactly what this law sounds like. And i guess wilford brimley must be banned from california since he has had a mustache like that forever. I cannot believe any court in the country would support theese frivolous laws.
Tidelman, believe it, this is the new California.
Well he did ban gas stoves. How ridiculous was that. Better yet. Think about the chefs that had to buy new electric stoves. It’s shows how pathetic they were. Biden banned air conditioning and wood stoves and washers that had enough water to wash your clothes. And Newsom is still And did until the Feds stopped him. Made it a law in California you had to drive a electric car.
I wonder with the millions of illegals and the grid unable to handle the normal load of electricity . If these morons have any common sense left.
How they continue to get even more insane Not stupid.
Look at The UK ! They banned Christmas . Because Muslims are offended.
Ya think that is headed this way by way of the democrats?